If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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