Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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