You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he shaved USA in his pubs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
