i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
