Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
