i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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