i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
