Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
