She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
