I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
