I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
