the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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