do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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