Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize