you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
