You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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