My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
