lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
