I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
