Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
