seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize