Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
