walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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