I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
