Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Four minutes until I can fart!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
