i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
