So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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