Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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