Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
