I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
