you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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