I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
