I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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