Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
