its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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