apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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