"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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