I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
