dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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