Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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