No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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