Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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