The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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