Ketchup is God's man juice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
