you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
