Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
