Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize