god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
