i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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