Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
organizing the empties. That sober.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
