hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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