Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
