I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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