just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
