btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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