why didn't you poke me back
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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