Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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