He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
