sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize