8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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