I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize