I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
