Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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