Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
