if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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