3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
