90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
