I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
