i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
