so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
